all these thoughts: if i could keep you little...

today was my target shopping day. with my kids. target is WAY more fun to shop at when you are alone and can dream of all the possibilities of clothes, organizational ideas, decorating ideas, kids ideas, etc...when i shop there with my kids, i have to keep my head down and focused on my list. i only have a sacred few minutes before the chaos will start and frusteration set in. so as i was nearing the end of my list...which had to have been obvious to everyone because my cart was overflowing with things packed in every possible space (shopping with a baby carrier and accessories is nearly impossible...plus the other children...i need an extra large cart please)...so i was nearing the end, thankful for the cooperative behavior of my children at that point...i spotted a book title on the end of one of the aisles..."if i could keep you little". i didn't have time to look at the book even though the title caught my eye. i HAD to get out of the store (mom's you know what i mean). but the title of that book has been floating in my head all day. if i could keep you little.

i can't tell you how many times i tell my kids that very thing. they even bring it up sometimes. oh if only i could keep them little. they are precious and innocent. they haven't been beaten down by the world. they see only good and believe in all things. they aren't calloused or hardened by life yet. if i could keep them little...i'd always be able to hold them and cuddle them. i could shield them and protect them.

i didn't read the book today...but i can pretty much guess how the story ends...they are gonna grow up whether i am ready or not.

i guess the thing is...thats how it should be for all areas of life. we should always grow. i remember reading a quote by oswald chambers many years ago and it said something to the effect of "growth isn't measured by the fact that you haven't gone backwards, God is constantly calling us to come up higher"...constantly growing, constantly changing, constantly learning, constantly seeking...this principle can be applied to so many areas...for my children as they grow...for my faith as it grows...for my marriage...for my friendships...for my hobbies...all of it should be in a continual state of growth...always trying to be better and seeking more for all of those areas. this is a harsh reminder for me because for the last few years i've felt i've been in a constant state of "survival mode" raising babies. i have not devoted the kind of time to these areas of growth that they are worthy of receiving.

but, if i kept my kids little...i'd miss out on a lot of life's sweet blessings. i'm sure parents of older and grown children could attest to that. so its not that i want to miss out on those phases of life, its just that everyone keeps me telling me these are the best years of my life...and if these are the best years...then i want to pause them for a while...or at least slow it down and soak it all in.

so, while i know that they won't be little forever...i am going to enjoy it all now. i'm gonna enjoy the cute way they talk and the funny way certain words sound...and how i don't even want to correct them because its way cuter and sweeter to say it the wrong way. i'm gonna enjoy the way they want to be around us and ask me to hold them because they are tired of walking.

and as the song goes...i know that "greater things are yet to come"...but i have a feeling that when i look back on my parenting years...these will be the years that are flashing through my mind as i watch them walk down graduation and wedding aisles. so if i had the power to keep them little...you bet i would.