if i could keep you little...

today was my target shopping day. with my kids. target is WAY more fun to shop at when you are alone and can dream of all the possibilities of clothes, organizational ideas, decorating ideas, kids ideas, etc...when i shop there with my kids, i have to keep my head down and focused on my list. i only have a sacred few minutes before the chaos will start and frusteration set in. so as i was nearing the end of my list...which had to have been obvious to everyone because my cart was overflowing with things packed in every possible space (shopping with a baby carrier and accessories is nearly impossible...plus the other children...i need an extra large cart please)...so i was nearing the end, thankful for the cooperative behavior of my children at that point...i spotted a book title on the end of one of the aisles..."if i could keep you little". i didn't have time to look at the book even though the title caught my eye. i HAD to get out of the store (mom's you know what i mean). but the title of that book has been floating in my head all day. if i could keep you little. 

i can't tell you how many times i tell my kids that very thing. they even bring it up sometimes. oh if only i could keep them little. they are precious and innocent. they haven't been beaten down by the world. they see only good and believe in all things. they aren't calloused or hardened by life yet. if i could keep them little...i'd always be able to hold them and cuddle them. i could shield them and protect them. 

i didn't read the book today...but i can pretty much guess how the story ends...they are gonna grow up whether i am ready or not. 

i guess the thing is...thats how it should be for all areas of life. we should always grow. i remember reading a quote by oswald chambers many years ago and it said something to the effect of "growth isn't measured by the fact that you haven't gone backwards, God is constantly calling us to come up higher"...constantly growing, constantly changing, constantly learning, constantly seeking...this principle can be applied to so many areas...for my children as they grow...for my faith as it grows...for my marriage...for my friendships...for my hobbies...all of it should be in a continual state of growth...always trying to be better and seeking more for all of those areas. this is a harsh reminder for me because for the last few years i've felt i've been in a constant state of "survival mode" raising babies. i have not devoted the kind of time to these areas of growth that they are worthy of receiving.

but, if i kept my kids little...i'd miss out on a lot of life's sweet blessings. i'm sure parents of older and grown children could attest to that. so its not that i want to miss out on those phases of life, its just that everyone keeps me telling me these are the best years of my life...and if  these are the best years...then i want to pause them for a while...or at least slow it down and soak it all in. 

so, while i know that they won't be little forever...i am going to enjoy it all now. i'm gonna enjoy the cute way they talk and the funny way certain words sound...and how i don't even want to correct them because its way cuter and sweeter to say it the wrong way. i'm gonna enjoy the way they want to be around us and ask me to hold them because they are tired of walking. 

and as the song goes...i know that "greater things are yet to come"...but i have a feeling that when i look back on my parenting years...these will be the years that are flashing through my mind as i watch them walk down graduation and wedding aisles. so if i had the power to keep them little...you bet i would. 

daddy/daughter dance...he's gonna be a tough guy to replace someday.

dressed up as a bride for halloween...i fear the REAL 

pictures of her becoming a bride are coming way to soon.

thankful this guy is still so little! 

i guess even when you grow up, you can still like superman!

i hope the joy of jumping in puddles never grows old!

why blog?

why blog? i don't have time for it. i'm not a good writer. it makes my life public. lots of reasons not to blog...but here's the thought that keeps coming back to my mind...my life is happening at warp speed. 


everybody tells you how fast it goes by and when you have kids you blink and they are grown...but now i am experiencing it and its scary. babies and kids keep you so busy that you barely have time to soak it in. i often stop and remind myself to soak in a specific moment and let it all sink in...but as hard as i try, the moments are a blur just a few moments later. 


throughout the hussle of the day and the busyness and business of the day - i lose the memories. and all it takes is a glance at a picture from a few years ago and my heart is heavy with sadness at how quickly it has all changed. 


many of the changes have been overwhelmingly joyful...new births, new babies, new friends, new homes. but the transformation of my babies is sometimes too much to bear.


 i tell them often to stop growing...to freeze in time...this is how i want life to forever be. despite all the sleepless nights, meltdowns, tears, and drama - from all of us...this is how i want it to be. they are innocent, they WANT to be with me, they are safely tucked into their beds, we are all together. its not perfect...but its pretty close. 


but they don't freeze...they grow, they change, they learn. my baby girl's hands aren't chubby little toddler hands anymore...they are slender little girl hands. my 2 year old speaks to me in paragraphs instead of just "momma". and my newest babe...weren't you just born? i still find myself telling people i just had a baby...but 5 months later i don't think i'm supposed to use that as my excuse anymore.  


God i love these kids. and my life. and my husband. i love them fiercely and deeply.


 i want to remember it all. but life happens too fast.


 i can't remember...so i will write it down...when i can escape the chaos to capture the memories onto paper. because some day all i will have are the memories of these long tiring days...and i want to remember the details...and my memory is already fleeting...so i will blog. if for no one else but myself...because  i've got all these thoughts. 

my 3 miracles.