I'm a homeschool wanna be.

After months and months of deliberation about our schooling choices for our kindergartner…I think we’ve arrived at a decision…a halfhearted decision, but still a decision.

I’ve written several different blog posts throughout this process but haven’t posted anything because things were constantly changing.

Several months ago I felt led to homeschooling. I wrote about it here…but never posted it. I was actually really excited about this new adventure.

I had my year planned out, field trips in the works, co-ops joined, curriculum all picked out, visions of our days, images of how our schooling area would look, etc.

Then I received confirmation that we had been accepted into a new charter school that I had forgotten that I had even registered for…and suddenly I was back to the drawing board.

I had felt confident with my homeschooling decision until this new charter school opportunity entered the scene.

Honestly I struggle to even write about this because I have so many thoughts and they can’t be contained in this short amount of space.

As of today, we are taking the charter school opportunity and seeing where that road leads us… although, it’s hard for me to put on my happy face and be excited. This isn’t really where I thought we would be…and even though I think it’s a fabulous school and an exciting opportunity for most people…for me it is tainted with sadness because it’s taking the lifestyle I had planned on away from me.

It’s a blurry line…the line between feeling led by God to homeschool and just being plain old sad to send your baby away all day. I honestly can say I strongly felt God pulling me to homeschooling…but now He seems more silent on the subject and I have felt lost on which way to go. Both choices seem great…for us. Most people instantly label me as the crazy lady when they hear the word homeschool. I’m okay with that and was willing to take on the challenge. I don’t know where the future will lead us…but for now I guess I’ll just be the homeschool wanna be mom.

So now I have to set aside all my plans, ideas, lists and so on that I have been collecting for months for homeschooling and put on my happy face for my daughter and act excited about sending her to school. But really I will be fighting back the tears and missing her something fierce every day. I’m praying she will happily go into her class that first day…because I won’t have the strength to be strong enough for the both of us.

While I know this is the beginning of a new era for all of us and many exciting new adventures lie ahead of us…it also symbolizes the ending of an old era. And ohhhh how I wanted that era to never end…the time that I got to spend all my days home with my babies…all of us together. I hate to see myself when I have to send her off to college! One day at a time I guess.

And after sending her to kindergarten, then I have to send to my baby boy to preschool…oh my heart  can hardly handle the emotions. 

 i don't know who will miss her more...me or him...