After months and months of deliberation about our schooling
choices for our kindergartner…I think we’ve arrived at a decision…a halfhearted
decision, but still a decision.
I’ve written several different blog posts throughout this
process but haven’t posted anything because things were constantly changing.
Several months ago I felt led to homeschooling. I wrote
about it here…but never posted it. I was actually really excited about this new
adventure.
I had my year planned out, field trips in the works, co-ops
joined, curriculum all picked out, visions of our days, images of how our
schooling area would look, etc.
Then I received confirmation that we had been accepted into
a new charter school that I had forgotten that I had even registered for…and suddenly
I was back to the drawing board.
I had felt confident with my homeschooling decision until
this new charter school opportunity entered the scene.
Honestly I struggle to even write about this because I have
so many thoughts and they can’t be contained in this short amount of space.
As of today, we are taking the charter school opportunity
and seeing where that road leads us… although, it’s hard for me to put on my
happy face and be excited. This isn’t really where I thought we would be…and
even though I think it’s a fabulous school and an exciting opportunity for most
people…for me it is tainted with sadness because it’s taking the lifestyle I had
planned on away from me.
It’s a blurry line…the line between feeling led by God to
homeschool and just being plain old sad to send your baby away all day. I honestly
can say I strongly felt God pulling me to homeschooling…but now He seems more
silent on the subject and I have felt lost on which way to go. Both choices
seem great…for us. Most people instantly label me as the crazy lady when they
hear the word homeschool. I’m okay with that and was willing to take on the
challenge. I don’t know where the future will lead us…but for now I guess I’ll
just be the homeschool wanna be mom.
So now I have to set aside all my plans, ideas, lists and so
on that I have been collecting for months for homeschooling and put on my happy
face for my daughter and act excited about sending her to school. But really I will
be fighting back the tears and missing her something fierce every day. I’m
praying she will happily go into her class that first day…because I won’t have
the strength to be strong enough for the both of us.
While I know this is the beginning of a new era for all of
us and many exciting new adventures lie ahead of us…it also symbolizes the
ending of an old era. And ohhhh how I wanted that era to never end…the time
that I got to spend all my days home with my babies…all of us together. I hate
to see myself when I have to send her off to college! One day at a time I guess.
And after sending her to kindergarten, then I have to send
to my baby boy to preschool…oh my heart
can hardly handle the emotions.
i don't know who will miss her more...me or him...
